Thoughts on flaws, criticisms and transparency...

Recent spate of events has set me thinking...

Why am i so prone to criticisms by others? Especially by friends, which is even worse.


Don't criticise others and you won't be criticise by others??
The thing is I usually don't criticise others at all, so why this critical treatment??
And its not because they are flawless or perfect sia.
But because i chose to keep quiet about it, not wanting to disturb the peaceful relationship.

But i just realised this "don't criticise others if you don't want to be criticised" theory don't work at all. If you don't criticise others, others would do that to you. And if you keep quiet and be nice to others, they would think they don't have as much flaws as you and that sorta give them the right to talk about you critically.

Treating others considerately may not equate to others giving you a similar treatment after all. So, why bother trying so hard to be so considerate, tactful and nice towards them when they don't even give a heck?


Defence! Why bear the insult?
When someone passed me a negative remark, i used to think "why bother to cover these flaws? After all, they are good friends already, and they probably have good intentions to change me for the better." Or when someone joked about my flaws, i used to think "it's okay, they are just kidding, no harm. Don't make a mountain out of a molehill".

But no, i realised if you keep quiet and don't defend yourself on the spot, others will think that you admit and agreed with them. That little little harm may thus accumulate to the mountain, when negative remarks and jokes occurs at higher frequency, at a greater level, and even to the point of hurtful insult. I sometimes wonder, what are they thinking? With increasing hurtful comments, are they trying to test my threshold of tolerance, or do they want to see my response when i reach that threshold? And recently that threshold has been greatly lowered, and if i do reach it, it's definitely not gonna be pretty.

And the part about their good intention? Nah... i realised (sadly) that most people criticise just so they can feel good about themselves, like putting others down while boosting their self-confidence or something. After all feeling good about oneself is the very most basic goal of every human, consciously or subconsciously (cited from ET's notes, thus not a sweeping statement). And also, if they really have good intentions, where's their good advice? Why only a truck full of criticisms but no suggestions or solutions to the problem?? Not only that, the tone of that person also tells a lot. Even a fool can differentiate between concern and plain mocking.


Transparency: Displaying too much of yourself?
Again, i used to think i really do have many flaws...while others seem to be flawless. Everyone has flaws. But perhaps, my main big flaw is that i'm super transparent to others that i don't really hide my unglam, my bad habits, and my whatever other flaws to others. While on the other hand, those seemingly "flawless others" are very good in hiding or "justifying" their own negative points. And because my flaws are known, others tend to up-play them, making them more salient to everyone else, including me, while they cover theirs well. For many years i foolishly believe in it, and that's probably why i lost confidence in myself along the way.

Yup, but a good number of events and some people has taught me not to reveal too much to another, esp flaws. And being nice is only for people who are nice to you. Being nice to someone who isn't to you is no longer called magnanimity, but now seen as foolishness, even to that same not nice someone whom you treat nicely.


Of course these are just my thoughts, and venting of my frustration. So there's no need to spark up a debate or anything. And it's not refering to a specific someone, but about a couple of events in general. May or may not apply to you, you be your own judge.